Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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