Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
