covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think my fart just growled at me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The uberlube is also flammable
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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