toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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