And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
