if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
