remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
