I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
