She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
