You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
