I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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