i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
