I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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