Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
