once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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