She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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