There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
