At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
