I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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