Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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