I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
