I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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