Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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