Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
