is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
These tits shall not be calmed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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