Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
