Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
