Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize