there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
