If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
