just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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