Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
