I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
