someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
