this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
