I feel like abortions should bother me more
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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