one word: firstdatebathroomanal
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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