I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize