A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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