Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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