Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
