Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
