I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
