The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
