their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need a beard to bite.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
