I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
