Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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