Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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