He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
