On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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