I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize