You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize