Small penises have feelings too.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
