So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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