I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Everything about him screamed your future.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
