the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
