I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
