No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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