just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
