This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
