I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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