She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
