I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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