"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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