I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
