I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
