I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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