she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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