I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
