I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
