Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
